Why am I still crushing candy?
We are all dopamine addicted procrastinators, don't we all suck
When one Googles “procrastination”- they will encounter headlines like “The Surprising Reason Why You Procrastinate”, “The Real Reason You're Procrastinating”. They might attempt to read them but they will almost immediately get bored and distracted.
Studies say that 95 percent of college students procrastinate. Duh, studies, have you seen any colleges lately? Or the state of anything lately? Who doesn’t procrastinate in this day and age? Isn’t it almost impossible to work now unless it threatens unemployment?
More Googling reveals headlines “5 Tips” or “8 Ways” to stop procrasting. I can summarize this content as “You can’t.” It’s impossible. Sure, you can “adjust your environment” or lock your phone in a safe, look at you, how morally superior… But essentially, ultimately, practically, you just can’t. Unless you count “Just do it” as groundbreaking advice, sorry business gurus.
I started playing Candy Crush deep in the pandemic because I had nothing else to do. Now, I’m crushing candy while I have so much to do it makes me want to cry sometimes. Is crying because you are so overwhelmed that you feel paralyzed procrastinating? Is it procrastinating when you have panic attacks over emails like some of my dear friends experience? Is it procrastinating to take a nap because you need sleep and then feel guilty like my boyfriend does?
Even without the objectively awful conditions I listed above, sometimes we just don’t want to get the thing done because we don’t want to. We don’t have to be “perfect victims” to procrastination, justified by a diagnosis or workplace mobbing. Me, I’m just crushing candy.
If we are all awful, dopamine addicted, morally corrupt, unable to self-regulate, self-helpless, weak procrastinators, maybe that is just part of the things we need to get done now. Maybe 95% of hanging laundry is now, in 2024, simply resisting it, rebelling against it. Maybe we shouldn’t think of laundry as washing the clothes but as sending reels, crushing candy, crying, googling non-existent physical symptoms, checking how Britney Spears is doing since we “freed” her, falling into an existential crisis, crying, separating the whites, putting the detergent in the thingy, and pressing the button.
Even the thought of a running washing machine is stressing me out because then comes the hanging of the clean clothes - the bane of my very existence. I hate laundry, can you tell? If laundry were a person, I'd go back in time to the first season of Vanderpump Rules and turn Stassi Schroeder against him (YES, “him”) for a full verbal takedown, or just frame him for a series of unsolvable murders if I’m feeling generous that day.
Please don’t sue,
Ege